[ Axel knows it for certain — without a doubt. Even without asking, the terminology all but pointed in one direction for him. But it never made it much comforting.
In contrary, only the far opposite. He hears the thought, the caution in it even if aborted, and it makes him feel warm. Even as an idle thought — 'Wished she didn't forget.' — comes along. But, it doesn't get much father, not when Temenos reaches, fingers lightly feeling — searching for a pulse. Axel's expression looks confused, even with a heavy bone-deep exhaustion, and a feeling like he's going to jump out of his skin if he doesn't get some fresh air.
He quiets, even his own thoughts do. His mind rewinds back to that week — with the memories. The thought 'later', makes Axel blink a bit and nod. ]
Not a problem. And yeah, maybe we can ask her...later.
[ Then, raising a hand, to rise to land it atop the other that had pressed for a pulse, he adds gently, and there is an inappropriate lightness to it, maybe: ]
...I'm still here. Remember? I can guarantee I won't just fade away in front of you. I'm not a Nobody anymore, after all.
[ ah... temenos makes a soft noise of understanding. from what he knows of her, that makes sense. the adventure relating to his own memories had mostly just been in solistia, but if this was something that personally affected jolyne... it must have been quite brutal, and he frowns a little for it, too. that poor girl.
as for the rest. he thought he did a good job hiding it - but, his subtle, subconscious gesture was not nearly as subtle as he thought it was. axel speaking up again keeps him from drifting too far out into his thoughts, and he comes back to reality with that very gentle touch, suddenly feeling very, very vulnerable, and... frankly a little embarrassed.
he chides himself inwardly. Get a grip. but perhaps the chide comes only with the fact that what axel says is inherently comforting, and it's followed by a quicker thought, a repetition of a line that belonged to a certain redhead. 'I won't disappoint you.'
hgh. thought week is embarrassing. his thumb brushes gently against the spot of his pulse, and after a moment, he turns his hand around to lightly wrap his fingers around axel's palm and hold on. ]
Of course you are, Lea. [ still here. one more brilliantly good thing to hold onto. the last time he did this, it ended in tragedy. it always ends in tragedy.
...not this time, maybe. maybe he's a fool for thinking it, but maybe he's a bigger fool than he really lets on, all the same. there's a gentle squeeze to his hand, very quietly thankful.
he'll gladly take the moment for the distraction, though, quietly putting the train of the discussion back on the tracks. ]
I take it whatever impacted your memories impacted hers, too. Jolyne's.
[ Temenos did obscure it rather well — most people would not know to be able to see that there was much wrong on a deeper level; if anything a sort of light confusion might result from a pulse being checked. Would people think to ask much about it, though? Or would they simple consider brushing the action aside?
Axel believes that the likely action would be to let it go and not connect it with any potentially personal incident of any kind. Hearing Temenos chide himself is a little new, but inner thoughts have a habit of doing that. What was that saying? You are your own worst critic? Yeah, that definitely applies here, without a doubt.
But the expressed sentence that hearkens back to his own words? It undeniably touches his heart...and he wonders did Temenos unconsciously repeat that to soothe his own building worries? Axel can only smile a little upon feeling the brush of that thumb, and then the other holding onto his hand just so. ]
Heh, glad you got it memorized, then.
[ After the squeeze, Axel gives a light one in return, to show that he's serious, and an affectionate solidarity of his own. ]
I haven't gotten the chance to confirm that yet, but I wouldn't be surprised if it had affected her in some way. Strangely enough, she wasn't anywhere to be found. I'll have to catch up with her soon enough.
...Though, Xion hadn't remembered me, and I wished she had. And I did say I'd get her outta there, but when we all went up against that Stand User, things kinda ended before we could rush people out of prison, you know? So that was pretty disappointing.
[ Axel is concerned about his friend he saw trapped in there still. He feels restless not knowing if she escaped. She has gone through so much and that prison was, to be quite frankly, hell on earth. ]
[ there's a moment where temenos smiles down at him - gentler, expression soft. and if he won't say it, it floats over his head: the quiet relief of thank you.
anyhow. he's glad to take the subject change, lifting his other hand to now gently resume petting his hair, because that's embarrassing. axel can get spoiled today! in the meantime, he is very thoughtful, quietly leaning into that solidarity. he's fine. onto the logic. ]
... Well. I'm not sure if Kogitsunemaru told you or not, but last week, he and the others were in Solistia - that is, the place where I am from. I'm not sure if I was there in any presence, but... I certainly did know of it, nor was I affected by it. I didn't even know until I saw the light of the Sacred Flame when they arrived.
[ so hopefully that helps assuage his worries a little. jolyne will have to deal with the guilt of it the way temenos did, but, guilt is far easier to deal with than anything worse. being stuck, left behind while your friends had to leave you to who knows what kind of fate. ] Though, I imagine, she will want to hear of all of it.
... As for the rest. It may have only been an illusion - I doubt that she was actually there, nor were you. [ but of course he's worried, so. leave it to temenos to offer a dose of reality. usually it just tends to be more morose, instead of hopeful. ] No matter how real your injuries were, it was much more likely an insular event, as far as I've gathered.
[ Axel is considerate enough not to mention the expression of gratitude he witnesses floating above. Instead, he finds himself relaxing again into the gentle stroking of those fingers, right through his hair.
This week really has been a rough time. So, you know what? He deserves to be spoiled to the utmost degree. ]
...So it's like that, huh?
And when they returned, you were able to see the light of this Sacred Flame, huh?
[ Axel goes quiet for a bit, as if in thoughtful and it is certainly true. Even if he is closing his eyes again, he has to wonder, what Temenos thought of the idea of people going to a place so intimate and familiar to him. He remembers still when they saw what had been wrought upon Kogi and wondered... ]
I plan on telling her what happened to the full degree, yeah.
[ ...Was it an illusion, though? He thinks about it, uncertain, but Axel can believe that neither of them were really 'present'. Somehow, something about that makes sense. Maybe it's because Temenos is saying it. ]
An insular event, huh? Kind of like some really weird place conjured up in place of a real one that had lasting effects, you mean?
[ realizing i missed a *didn't, instead of did up there somewhere. my bad.
he nods, though, making a soft, affirmative noise and keeping up the rhythmic hairpets. temenos asmr voice ]
Correct. You might have seen it too - when the group returned, there were figures in blue that seemed to be helping them. [ his thought bubble shivers, briefly, and shows an image of a ghostly knight wreathed in blue fire, but it fades away after a moment. ] But I didn't know it was happening until that very point. Nimona spoke to me about the events, and... returned with something for me, as well.
[ and truthfully, the thought of it being an illusion is what kept temenos from being more upset about it, because the item nimona handed him was so precious that the idea of it existing somewhere in solistia where he never got to see it is unfathomably upsetting, so he simply does not. he can logic it out as an illusion, instead, can tell himself it wasn't real, and can share that with others. cold, hard, doses of reality.
temenos nods, though, quietly approving. ]
You've got it. [ correct! he's right. something conjured up. ] I think that could go for nigh any of those little trips: Rabbit also informed me that they may have been on one before we came with similar outcomes.
Temenos ASMR voice, coming soon to a youtube channel near you. By 'you', that is explicitly meant Axel, of course. It's...actually rather soothing, he isn't going to lie; he can feel some of that tension only continue to ebb away. ]
Yeah. I guess it means they're like helpers from the beyond or something?
...What was this thing she returned with?
[ There was a moment's hesitation in asking, but. They are on the subject, so he essentially just went ahead and asked it anyways.
As for the other subject, that sparks a bit of a memory in his own head.
This week has been very long and tiresome, but not enough so to completely erase the memory from his head. ]
I guess it could.
...But, right. Rabbit's definitely been on one too. One alongside...Crimson, Amethyst Snake, White Tiger, Pink Pig, and Marigold Monkey. A trip to the moon—or the Netherworld or something. I heard about something like that, but it's slipped my mind to ask about it.
....Mm. Maybe. It was the Sacred Flame, I believe. It is not dissimilar to what I see when I visualize.
[ there's a little flicker of blue over his head in his thought bubble, briefly. his mind palace.
but, beyond that. he leaves the question for what was brought for now, answering the more practical one first. ] I'd heard the same - apparently, the Netherworld is where the penguins come from. I'd not heard much about the trip to the moon, which I'm sure could be relevant to our entire situation.
[ so. he lets that taper off into a thoughtful silence for a moment, as if he's considering the trip and its future implications. but.
... in an act of trust, after a moment, temenos seems to focus more heavily on petting his hair again, eyes falling away from his face, and says, very quietly: ]
Nimona brought me a letter that was intended for me, that never made it.
[ dreamwidth is trying so hard to gaslight me while i'm doing these tags YOU WON'T CATCH ME ALIVE WITH YOUR RANDOM FONT CHANGES DENISE
anyway. his fingers still, for a moment. ]
... A letter from someone from home.
[ and it seems like temenos is deciding. there's a long pause where he's just holding still, then...
... after a moment, he carefully moves to reach for the book he keeps in his pocket. out of the book, near the back, he pulls out a folded piece of parchment, and after a moment's hesitation, he sets it in front of axel so he can see its contents. ]
Axel's giving pause as he mentions that because he knows Temenos is an extremely private person. So, if he gives any indication he wants to change the topic or otherwise not mention further this letter, he can conjure up anything in turn.
But, he doesn't.
He begins to read, line by line, word by word. Then, at last, his name falls upon who has written it at all. ]
[ axel is right - he is very private, and about this, maybe more than anything.
... but.
if there is anyone in this place that he feels he could tell this story to, it is axel. if there is anyone he could trust with the most tender, vulnerable parts of his own story, it's his teammate, someone who has earned that much. he'd thought the same of crick, when he told him the very same - that after all they've been through, perhaps he has the right to know.
he leaves the letter in axel's sight, and doesn't look at him, when he speaks. ]
... You could say my dearest one. [ and looking at that letter - written in his familiar, just slightly messy scrawl - ripped open a wound that had already been torn into the week of memories, freshly scabbed over and now just bleeding. ]
Roi and I were both foundlings; that is to say, our parents left us at the church when we were babes. We aren't related, but the Pontiff personally took the two of us under his care.
[ The fact that Temenos dares trust him with such an intimate piece of his personal life doesn't pass him by. Quite the opposite, really.
They've both managed to become closer and closer as time goes on in this place. But, it doesn't mean they know all there is about one another. ]
A dear brother.
[ One who so happens to resurface in memories by gifting of such a letter. ]
...Five years is a long time for someone to go without writing a letter. And you hadn't found a clue about his whearabouts at all, right? It might be also too much to hope, but I can't help but want him to be alright anyway.
[ axel's optimism is... sweet, and not surprising, really. it reminds him of the pontiff, for a moment, and he lets out a soft noise, finally folding the letter again. ]
... No. Roi is dead. The person who killed him... while I never got to meet her, I met the mastermind of it all, and she referred to him as a victim of their organization's works. While it could have been to rile me up, as she was attempting to taunt me into anger, the physical evidence of it all remained.
[ in a sense, the information that the group from solistia came back with was familiar, but it confirmed a thought temenos had long before, after understanding some of the inner workings of the moonshade order, and perhaps worse, after the discovery of a journal that described someone as being hunted.
having his letter picks at that wound, though. perhaps now, after everything, it can finally scab over, and start to heal. this is a backtag so maybe axel can see it; his thoughts are turbulent before they finally clarify. Everything was always for him.
... Just say it. he thinks. Talk about him.
... and then, finally... ]
...Roi was always very brave. Reckless, even, sometimes. He is the very reason that I learned to doubt the way that I do.
[ You'd think that one of these days it might somehow dim. But no, it stubbornly sticks like an ember that refuses to go out.
Either way, Axel's listening to Temenos rather closely. ]
...Sucks to hear that's the case. It's never good when you lose somebody close to you, but even worse when somebody can mess around with you about it.
[ Then, there's a pause when he sees the thought bubbles rise; a conflicted an assortment of them. One, after another, when some sentences are clearer than the rest. He can't help but be a little nosy sometimes in this regard, whoops. ]
He sounds like a pretty commendable kind of guy. Always striving forward in the face of danger type of deal, sounds like? I wouldn't call him a bad guy to look upward to.
I can't say I know him either, for obvious reasons, but I have a feeling he'd be glad that you never strayed from your path. From wanting to question things, and working hard to always find answers.
[ Those of which people might not want to face, can't face, or refuse to face, even if it is staring down right in front of them. It's probably not much comfort in the face of loss being a reminder once more, but all the same, Axel can't help but think it true. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ Axel knows it for certain — without a doubt. Even without asking, the terminology all but pointed in one direction for him. But it never made it much comforting.
In contrary, only the far opposite. He hears the thought, the caution in it even if aborted, and it makes him feel warm. Even as an idle thought — 'Wished she didn't forget.' — comes along. But, it doesn't get much father, not when Temenos reaches, fingers lightly feeling — searching for a pulse. Axel's expression looks confused, even with a heavy bone-deep exhaustion, and a feeling like he's going to jump out of his skin if he doesn't get some fresh air.
He quiets, even his own thoughts do. His mind rewinds back to that week — with the memories. The thought 'later', makes Axel blink a bit and nod. ]
Not a problem. And yeah, maybe we can ask her...later.
[ Then, raising a hand, to rise to land it atop the other that had pressed for a pulse, he adds gently, and there is an inappropriate lightness to it, maybe: ]
...I'm still here. Remember? I can guarantee I won't just fade away in front of you. I'm not a Nobody anymore, after all.
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as for the rest. he thought he did a good job hiding it - but, his subtle, subconscious gesture was not nearly as subtle as he thought it was. axel speaking up again keeps him from drifting too far out into his thoughts, and he comes back to reality with that very gentle touch, suddenly feeling very, very vulnerable, and... frankly a little embarrassed.
he chides himself inwardly. Get a grip. but perhaps the chide comes only with the fact that what axel says is inherently comforting, and it's followed by a quicker thought, a repetition of a line that belonged to a certain redhead. 'I won't disappoint you.'
hgh. thought week is embarrassing. his thumb brushes gently against the spot of his pulse, and after a moment, he turns his hand around to lightly wrap his fingers around axel's palm and hold on. ]
Of course you are, Lea. [ still here. one more brilliantly good thing to hold onto. the last time he did this, it ended in tragedy. it always ends in tragedy.
...not this time, maybe. maybe he's a fool for thinking it, but maybe he's a bigger fool than he really lets on, all the same. there's a gentle squeeze to his hand, very quietly thankful.
he'll gladly take the moment for the distraction, though, quietly putting the train of the discussion back on the tracks. ]
I take it whatever impacted your memories impacted hers, too. Jolyne's.
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Axel believes that the likely action would be to let it go and not connect it with any potentially personal incident of any kind. Hearing Temenos chide himself is a little new, but inner thoughts have a habit of doing that. What was that saying? You are your own worst critic? Yeah, that definitely applies here, without a doubt.
But the expressed sentence that hearkens back to his own words? It undeniably touches his heart...and he wonders did Temenos unconsciously repeat that to soothe his own building worries? Axel can only smile a little upon feeling the brush of that thumb, and then the other holding onto his hand just so. ]
Heh, glad you got it memorized, then.
[ After the squeeze, Axel gives a light one in return, to show that he's serious, and an affectionate solidarity of his own. ]
I haven't gotten the chance to confirm that yet, but I wouldn't be surprised if it had affected her in some way. Strangely enough, she wasn't anywhere to be found. I'll have to catch up with her soon enough.
...Though, Xion hadn't remembered me, and I wished she had. And I did say I'd get her outta there, but when we all went up against that Stand User, things kinda ended before we could rush people out of prison, you know? So that was pretty disappointing.
[ Axel is concerned about his friend he saw trapped in there still. He feels restless not knowing if she escaped. She has gone through so much and that prison was, to be quite frankly, hell on earth. ]
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anyhow. he's glad to take the subject change, lifting his other hand to now gently resume petting his hair, because that's embarrassing. axel can get spoiled today! in the meantime, he is very thoughtful, quietly leaning into that solidarity. he's fine. onto the logic. ]
... Well. I'm not sure if Kogitsunemaru told you or not, but last week, he and the others were in Solistia - that is, the place where I am from. I'm not sure if I was there in any presence, but... I certainly did know of it, nor was I affected by it. I didn't even know until I saw the light of the Sacred Flame when they arrived.
[ so hopefully that helps assuage his worries a little. jolyne will have to deal with the guilt of it the way temenos did, but, guilt is far easier to deal with than anything worse. being stuck, left behind while your friends had to leave you to who knows what kind of fate. ] Though, I imagine, she will want to hear of all of it.
... As for the rest. It may have only been an illusion - I doubt that she was actually there, nor were you. [ but of course he's worried, so. leave it to temenos to offer a dose of reality. usually it just tends to be more morose, instead of hopeful. ] No matter how real your injuries were, it was much more likely an insular event, as far as I've gathered.
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This week really has been a rough time. So, you know what? He deserves to be spoiled to the utmost degree. ]
...So it's like that, huh?
And when they returned, you were able to see the light of this Sacred Flame, huh?
[ Axel goes quiet for a bit, as if in thoughtful and it is certainly true. Even if he is closing his eyes again, he has to wonder, what Temenos thought of the idea of people going to a place so intimate and familiar to him. He remembers still when they saw what had been wrought upon Kogi and wondered... ]
I plan on telling her what happened to the full degree, yeah.
[ ...Was it an illusion, though? He thinks about it, uncertain, but Axel can believe that neither of them were really 'present'. Somehow, something about that makes sense. Maybe it's because Temenos is saying it. ]
An insular event, huh? Kind of like some really weird place conjured up in place of a real one that had lasting effects, you mean?
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he nods, though, making a soft, affirmative noise and keeping up the rhythmic hairpets. temenos asmr voice ]
Correct. You might have seen it too - when the group returned, there were figures in blue that seemed to be helping them. [ his thought bubble shivers, briefly, and shows an image of a ghostly knight wreathed in blue fire, but it fades away after a moment. ] But I didn't know it was happening until that very point. Nimona spoke to me about the events, and... returned with something for me, as well.
[ and truthfully, the thought of it being an illusion is what kept temenos from being more upset about it, because the item nimona handed him was so precious that the idea of it existing somewhere in solistia where he never got to see it is unfathomably upsetting, so he simply does not. he can logic it out as an illusion, instead, can tell himself it wasn't real, and can share that with others. cold, hard, doses of reality.
temenos nods, though, quietly approving. ]
You've got it. [ correct! he's right. something conjured up. ] I think that could go for nigh any of those little trips: Rabbit also informed me that they may have been on one before we came with similar outcomes.
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Temenos ASMR voice, coming soon to a youtube channel near you. By 'you', that is explicitly meant Axel, of course. It's...actually rather soothing, he isn't going to lie; he can feel some of that tension only continue to ebb away. ]
Yeah. I guess it means they're like helpers from the beyond or something?
...What was this thing she returned with?
[ There was a moment's hesitation in asking, but. They are on the subject, so he essentially just went ahead and asked it anyways.
As for the other subject, that sparks a bit of a memory in his own head.
This week has been very long and tiresome, but not enough so to completely erase the memory from his head. ]
I guess it could.
...But, right. Rabbit's definitely been on one too. One alongside...Crimson, Amethyst Snake, White Tiger, Pink Pig, and Marigold Monkey. A trip to the moon—or the Netherworld or something. I heard about something like that, but it's slipped my mind to ask about it.
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[ there's a little flicker of blue over his head in his thought bubble, briefly. his mind palace.
but, beyond that. he leaves the question for what was brought for now, answering the more practical one first. ] I'd heard the same - apparently, the Netherworld is where the penguins come from. I'd not heard much about the trip to the moon, which I'm sure could be relevant to our entire situation.
[ so. he lets that taper off into a thoughtful silence for a moment, as if he's considering the trip and its future implications. but.
... in an act of trust, after a moment, temenos seems to focus more heavily on petting his hair again, eyes falling away from his face, and says, very quietly: ]
Nimona brought me a letter that was intended for me, that never made it.
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[ Ah yes, Temenos' little mind palace; he looks at it curiously, murmuring the word in a bit of a repeat. ]
...Probably. Reminder to self to ask about the trip to the moon. Sometimes there's just so much going on...but, I definitely got it memorized.
[ He shakes his head. But this way if he mentions the catch phrase and everything, he won't forget. As for the other matter, though, he's blinking. ]
What do you mean? A letter? From who?
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anyway. his fingers still, for a moment. ]
... A letter from someone from home.
[ and it seems like temenos is deciding. there's a long pause where he's just holding still, then...
... after a moment, he carefully moves to reach for the book he keeps in his pocket. out of the book, near the back, he pulls out a folded piece of parchment, and after a moment's hesitation, he sets it in front of axel so he can see its contents. ]
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Axel's giving pause as he mentions that because he knows Temenos is an extremely private person. So, if he gives any indication he wants to change the topic or otherwise not mention further this letter, he can conjure up anything in turn.
But, he doesn't.
He begins to read, line by line, word by word. Then, at last, his name falls upon who has written it at all. ]
...From a good friend of yours?
no subject
... but.
if there is anyone in this place that he feels he could tell this story to, it is axel. if there is anyone he could trust with the most tender, vulnerable parts of his own story, it's his teammate, someone who has earned that much. he'd thought the same of crick, when he told him the very same - that after all they've been through, perhaps he has the right to know.
he leaves the letter in axel's sight, and doesn't look at him, when he speaks. ]
... You could say my dearest one. [ and looking at that letter - written in his familiar, just slightly messy scrawl - ripped open a wound that had already been torn into the week of memories, freshly scabbed over and now just bleeding. ]
Roi and I were both foundlings; that is to say, our parents left us at the church when we were babes. We aren't related, but the Pontiff personally took the two of us under his care.
[ so not just his friend. his brother. ]
He has been missing for five years.
no subject
They've both managed to become closer and closer as time goes on in this place. But, it doesn't mean they know all there is about one another. ]
A dear brother.
[ One who so happens to resurface in memories by gifting of such a letter. ]
...Five years is a long time for someone to go without writing a letter. And you hadn't found a clue about his whearabouts at all, right? It might be also too much to hope, but I can't help but want him to be alright anyway.
For both of your sakes.
no subject
... No. Roi is dead. The person who killed him... while I never got to meet her, I met the mastermind of it all, and she referred to him as a victim of their organization's works. While it could have been to rile me up, as she was attempting to taunt me into anger, the physical evidence of it all remained.
[ in a sense, the information that the group from solistia came back with was familiar, but it confirmed a thought temenos had long before, after understanding some of the inner workings of the moonshade order, and perhaps worse, after the discovery of a journal that described someone as being hunted.
having his letter picks at that wound, though. perhaps now, after everything, it can finally scab over, and start to heal. this is a backtag so maybe axel can see it; his thoughts are turbulent before they finally clarify. Everything was always for him.
... Just say it. he thinks. Talk about him.
... and then, finally... ]
...Roi was always very brave. Reckless, even, sometimes. He is the very reason that I learned to doubt the way that I do.
no subject
Either way, Axel's listening to Temenos rather closely. ]
...Sucks to hear that's the case. It's never good when you lose somebody close to you, but even worse when somebody can mess around with you about it.
[ Then, there's a pause when he sees the thought bubbles rise; a conflicted an assortment of them. One, after another, when some sentences are clearer than the rest. He can't help but be a little nosy sometimes in this regard, whoops. ]
He sounds like a pretty commendable kind of guy. Always striving forward in the face of danger type of deal, sounds like? I wouldn't call him a bad guy to look upward to.
I can't say I know him either, for obvious reasons, but I have a feeling he'd be glad that you never strayed from your path. From wanting to question things, and working hard to always find answers.
[ Those of which people might not want to face, can't face, or refuse to face, even if it is staring down right in front of them. It's probably not much comfort in the face of loss being a reminder once more, but all the same, Axel can't help but think it true. ]