[ his head snaps up when he hears axel's voice, and he takes a short, surprised breath. temenos is rarely if ever caught off guard, but this has thrown him so badly that for a moment he just feels - lost. just, utterly lost. lost in a way he hasn't ever been, because there are two things in his life that temenos has always, always had, intrinsically tied together, intrinsically important.
...
he doesn't turn around - the last ditch attempt at holding onto the shreds of his composure - but he says, tight, through gritted teeth, his hands coming unlaced, because by now, it's useless. ] I can't access my magic.
[ again. first his healing - his prayers for plenty, his shields, even his ability to drain magic - and now this.
[ Temenos doesn't even need to turn around for Axel to know that this isn't just a simple matter.
Usually, Axel has a tighter hold on his own emotions, but his concern accidentally triggers something...and there's a flash of powerful bright light. With the other facing away, he isn't blinded, but the strength behind it makes the red head's expression turn confused. Then, he looks back at Temenos, because that 'magic' that went away...? It might have just gone to... ]
...Your ability, you mean.
[ Axel sounds a little dumbfounded. He already stated how his own worked, but there can't be any mistake about this. He takes a breath, deciding to open the door a bit more. If the other shoes him away, or reacts adversely, he's prepared for that.
He just can't turn away or hide this from Temenos, nor would he want to. More important, he refuses to leave him alone to face it by himself. So, the red head dares to step closer, and not asking to have him turn around, reaching out to place his hand gently upon the other male's shoulder, resting it there. Giving a light squeeze.
Maybe to help anchor him in the moment, and...he doesn't immediately remove it either. ]
I don't know what's going on, but we'll figure it out together. I promise. It's probably a temporary thing. And, it's starting to look like there's something going on my end with that too. By which I mean, I think I might have gotten yours.
[ the light has him whip around almost immediately, nearly clattering out of his chair. it is by far the most vulnerable expression he's ever worn in his entire time here, though it lasts for only a millisecond. shock, at first, open, wounded, shock.
and then he snaps down on it, his composure like a steel trap. when axel reaches out, he gets to see him face to face, and he doesn't shove him off or stop him. perhaps it is only because it's axel that he gets this far, but he gets to feel that he is ridiculously tense.
temenos doesn't address his very sweet words because he's Going Through It right now, staring at the space where the familiar brightness was. ]
...Do that again. [ slowly. ] Say - 'holy light, illuminate the darkness.' And do it again.
[ Axel sees it. The vulnerability. The red head is struck almost stupid with how strong his own desire to protect Temenos is.
At the end of the day, he's a loyal man, and he trusts Temenos with all that he is. Being the type of person that he is, he doesn't consider it frightening that he comes to the realization there isn't much he wouldn't do for him. It's totally fine.
He tries to make the power reappear again, but there's nothing. One hour cooldowns are a thing, unfortunately. ]
There's kinda a cool down, you know. If you don't mind waiting, I can do it again right after. I'll even say those words too.
[ Axel doesn't mind waiting around for an hour and doing exactly that. He's decided to clear out his schedule for whatever he planned on doing next, and will be here for however long the other needs him to be. ]
I guess filling in the space with a bunch of jokes is absolutely out, isn't it?
Did you just waste it all in one go? [ axel certainly didn't do it on purpose, and he doesn't sound like, mad about it. just sort of disbelieving, in the temenos version of hysteria that is like, a faint blip on any other person's radar. he's exhausted, suddenly, but it's not a sense of relief.
it feels like whatever did this reached into his chest and carved out a piece of his heart, and left temenos hollow. that little burst of holy light is so precious to him right now that he's somewhere between laughter and sinking to the ground, torn asunder at his own reactions, at the ridiculousness of how light he feels at seeing it, and how stupid that is. it doesn't change anything. and for the gods sake, what is he, a hysterical pilgrim dropping to the ground in front of the sacred flame? for gods sake. get it together. you can't let anyone see you like this.
the remark startles a shaky laugh out of him, and temenos shakes his head, reaching a hand up to scrub over his face, just once. he's fine. he's just fine. his composure is settled back into place, and he reaches for something more familiar, a gentle chide, but it's lacking its usual verve. ] ...You have to control yourself and it to use it correctly. You've now both recited the scriptures and stolen my magic, so perhaps you really should be wearing this.
[ he taps two fingers lightly against his cassock, trying for normalcy and feeling just. insanely vulnerable at the moment, desperately trying to lace together the fact that he's fine, like building up a sandcastle in the face of a tidal wave. ]
[ It feels kind of embarrassing; Axel has never thought too hard about his powers, perhaps in direct contrast with the other. At least, that is how it was with his new ones. As for how he feels about losing his old ones? Axel just believed it'll come back by the end of it all.
But he can tell something is off, even with the other gripping onto some sort of veneer of his former normalcy. ]
I've never been much of a holy man, or like the other Warriors of Light. The only reason I could recite that scripture was because you spoke it to me.
[ As much as Axel tries to find the words, he can't grasp them so easily, but he has seen people slip through his grasp before. From smaller signs, from things that weigh on their mind and he couldn't grasp. Axel can't necessarily stop it from happening again but he'll try. With his other hand, he lays it against the other's, where it might be still resting, against his chest. ]
...It might sound hollow now, you know? But, it'll come back to you. I've seen it happen time and time again; those losing that kind of light, but grasping it because it hasn't really left. It's just sleeping. And even if it is, I can't believe you've been anyone else but the person you've shown me to be.
[ that firm belief is what makes it, really. temenos would scoff at it, out loud. he'd be a cynic, because that is what he does. he questions. with his abilities gone, the only things he even began to consider were how do i get this back. he'd say that faith is naive.
... but it's the very thing that temenos likes about axel, because it's the very same trait he liked about roi. about crick. firm, unshakable belief, faith the opposite of his own. it's that clearhearted desire that he admires, even if he chastises it, because it is the mark of someone incredibly good.
he's not expecting to be touched, really, in more than one way. it's no longer affection week, but the last week helped to break a seal, and even though having a conversation like this, one full of emotional sincerity, makes some part of him want to squirm free and run, he doesn't. but the phrase i can't believe you've been anyone else but the person you've shown to me just hits the nail on the head so soundly that it holds his feet rooted to the ground. temenos doesn't doubt himself. he knows who he is.
he takes another, slower breath, his usual quick, snarky response delayed by it, enough that axel can feel his chest rise and fall. up, and down. who are you, temenos? foundling of the church, hound of the pontiff, cleric of flamechurch, chosen of aelfric? he is still his mind, and his steadfast, stubborn nature, and his drive to understand.
when his eyes open again, he's looking at him, and the grab for cover is slightly less frantic, now, as he settles within his concept of self. ]
...How very optimistic. [ as if he doesn't really, really like that, about axel. as if that quality isn't inherently worth its weight in gold. there's no heat to it - it's almost rueful, soft. ] I suppose I should say thank you.
[ his hand curls, lightly, under where axel's is. ]
I'll teach you to utilize it well, but you must take care of it. What you hold is quite precious to me. [ ... ] I'll trust you to keep it safe.
[ and if that's not a big deal coming from temenos, nothing is. ]
[ It's a little ironic. Axel can't ever imagine not believing in this cynical man, no matter what happens, but maybe that's just because he thinks that beyond whatever kind of mask or outward attitude he wears, Temenos is more than his appearances. He's also someone who has become valuable in a way that Axel is uncertain he exactly has a word for it, but he knows in his heart how so.
Maybe it is because of these facts that he finds himself going beyond that casual touch, and sure, he remembers thinking that it was entirely possible them getting so close at all was the result of an effect. But, Axel also knows full well that he can't really get himself to come to that conclusion even after it's passed.
Whatever the case, he can see what he's done has ... done something well. Even if he knows that such a struggle undeniable still persists, it's enlightening in a wonderful way; lips curling upwards in a smile of sorts right even at the comment on his optimism. ]
Heh, just trust me when I say I'm just glad to help. Me and my brand of optimism.
[ His words come forth gently, feeling the way the other's hand shifts slightly against his, and even if it is such a minute motion, treasuring even that all the same.
But the smile remains even as Axel nods his head with a look of determination. ]
Yeah, I'll listen to whatever you got to say. I'll keep it safe too. I'm pretty good at keeping lights safe, you know.
[ Including you in a heartbeat, is the thought that comes along, even if he knows not to say it. Temenos is still a capable man, after all. And he recognizes him saying this at all? Isn't such a simple matter. ]
Oh, [ in his light, breathy voice, enunciating every syllable: ] Warrior of Light.
[ the way temenos says this is just slightly patronizing, it's not mean. it's teasing, very light and lofty, and slowly, the normalcy slides into place. it's more natural, now, more familiar, and temenos's eyes crinkle up at the corners with the warmth of his smile. ]
While I'm not the sort that needs protecting, [ and that is true. something about this conversation feels like deja vu, but it's just so natural. it's easy, to spend time with axel, over mysteries and fairy tale princess films, over solving murders and eating ice cream all the same, and slowly, now, he's starting to realize why.
he continues, though, tilting his head to look up at him; finally lifting his other hand to cover the one on his, with a soft palm, a gentle touch. ] The light of the Sacred Flame, and myself will both be in your hands.
[ he could almost read that heroism on axel's face, whether he said it out loud or not.
(and secretly? despite the way he says it, toeing the line between teasing and just hinting at sincere, he likes that, too.) ]
[ 'Oh, Warrior of Light', Temenos says, and the way he speaks those words jumpstarts something in Axel's chest. Enough to cause what feels like a flare of heat to his own cheeks, that lasts certainly longer than a moment, and brings on a sensation as if such a reaction will persist for an eternity. Even if the words are spoken with normalcy—but maybe that's just it.
Everything they've done hasn't been insubstantial. From the simplest of things, to the most novel, or complex, Axel looks back on them with more than a passing fondness. Treasures those moments because it's with Temenos he's spent them with.
That precious smile that follows only enhances the feeling. Teasing is just a natural part of Temenos, but his words spoken are genuine nonetheless. He's brought back down to earth with the soft touch of the over placed over his; when he laughs a little, it's light. ]
...I guess what I wanted to say was easy to read on my face, wasn't it?
[ But, he doesn't mind. Being an open book sometimes makes things just a little bit easier, doesn't it? ]
But, you better believe that I'm the last kind of person to be deterred from doing double-duty. You've picked just the right guy to put your faith in.
[ in a sense, he's recognizing it now: there's something familiar to axel that makes him so easy to get along with. sure, he's a little easy to tease. he's funny, his sense of humor is as bad as temenos', and they're aligned in similar goals. those are one thing.
...but, it's the easy confidence of a statement like you've picked just the right guy to put your faith in that is winning him over. it's the same way that roi faced the world, with endless confidence and a faithful heart. it's the way that crick did, swearing to protect temenos as his godsblade even as temenos needled at the fact that he was newly anointed. it's just so familiar, in ways that are both an immediate draw in personality, and... ways that are terrifying. ways in which loss is just a second away, constantly breathing down the back of his neck, reminding him of how hard it is to hold onto something you care about, no matter how hard you dig your claws in and beg it not to leave.
it's a little sobering. the realization simmers in the back of his mind, and for now, he can't pay attention to it, short of allowing his trust to fall very, very carefully, to be cradled in axel's hands. a warrior of light, and a cleric of light. what a combination. ]
I would certainly hope so.
[ something in him settles, there, like a wild, lost animal slowly melting back down to curl up to sleep.
he very lightly pats his hand. pat pat. ] As soon as your cool-down wears off, we will begin. I hope you're prepared for a rigorous set of lessons: double duty may be putting it lightly.
[ axel did not sign up for holy training camp but he's about to get it. ]
Axel has never imagined that, when he first arrived, he would discover himself falling into getting any bit too close to anybody else here. Sure, he always imagined himself acting friendly, and doing whatever he can to earnestly be good to the people he's met in his own, wonderful flavor. But, the thing about it is...how could he have anticipated that he'd grow close enough to feel the urge to say or do things thoughtlessly with someone else. Holding someone close, cuddling up against another, holding someone's hand tight within his, and daring to profess or show in some way an ardent desire to protect.
And understand with each passing moments those little qualities (the teasing, the unflinching determination to seek answers, and the undeniable desire to do good) that seem ever the more pleasant whenever he witnesses them. Then, after the other pats his hand, and says those words... ]
You can bet that I am. I'll have you know that I'm also used to having to pick up new tricks sooner than later.
You won't be disappointed.
[ ...Axel, with his other hand (or rather his arm), then shifts so he can move to throw an arm around the other man's shoulders, unrepentant grin clear on his face. ]
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...
he doesn't turn around - the last ditch attempt at holding onto the shreds of his composure - but he says, tight, through gritted teeth, his hands coming unlaced, because by now, it's useless. ] I can't access my magic.
[ again. first his healing - his prayers for plenty, his shields, even his ability to drain magic - and now this.
who are you, when your identity is taken away? ]
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Usually, Axel has a tighter hold on his own emotions, but his concern accidentally triggers something...and there's a flash of powerful bright light. With the other facing away, he isn't blinded, but the strength behind it makes the red head's expression turn confused. Then, he looks back at Temenos, because that 'magic' that went away...? It might have just gone to... ]
...Your ability, you mean.
[ Axel sounds a little dumbfounded. He already stated how his own worked, but there can't be any mistake about this. He takes a breath, deciding to open the door a bit more. If the other shoes him away, or reacts adversely, he's prepared for that.
He just can't turn away or hide this from Temenos, nor would he want to. More important, he refuses to leave him alone to face it by himself. So, the red head dares to step closer, and not asking to have him turn around, reaching out to place his hand gently upon the other male's shoulder, resting it there. Giving a light squeeze.
Maybe to help anchor him in the moment, and...he doesn't immediately remove it either. ]
I don't know what's going on, but we'll figure it out together. I promise. It's probably a temporary thing. And, it's starting to look like there's something going on my end with that too. By which I mean, I think I might have gotten yours.
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and then he snaps down on it, his composure like a steel trap. when axel reaches out, he gets to see him face to face, and he doesn't shove him off or stop him. perhaps it is only because it's axel that he gets this far, but he gets to feel that he is ridiculously tense.
temenos doesn't address his very sweet words because he's Going Through It right now, staring at the space where the familiar brightness was. ]
...Do that again. [ slowly. ] Say - 'holy light, illuminate the darkness.' And do it again.
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At the end of the day, he's a loyal man, and he trusts Temenos with all that he is. Being the type of person that he is, he doesn't consider it frightening that he comes to the realization there isn't much he wouldn't do for him. It's totally fine.
He tries to make the power reappear again, but there's nothing. One hour cooldowns are a thing, unfortunately. ]
There's kinda a cool down, you know. If you don't mind waiting, I can do it again right after. I'll even say those words too.
[ Axel doesn't mind waiting around for an hour and doing exactly that. He's decided to clear out his schedule for whatever he planned on doing next, and will be here for however long the other needs him to be. ]
I guess filling in the space with a bunch of jokes is absolutely out, isn't it?
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he takes in a breath. inhale, exhale. ]
Did you just waste it all in one go? [ axel certainly didn't do it on purpose, and he doesn't sound like, mad about it. just sort of disbelieving, in the temenos version of hysteria that is like, a faint blip on any other person's radar. he's exhausted, suddenly, but it's not a sense of relief.
it feels like whatever did this reached into his chest and carved out a piece of his heart, and left temenos hollow. that little burst of holy light is so precious to him right now that he's somewhere between laughter and sinking to the ground, torn asunder at his own reactions, at the ridiculousness of how light he feels at seeing it, and how stupid that is. it doesn't change anything. and for the gods sake, what is he, a hysterical pilgrim dropping to the ground in front of the sacred flame? for gods sake. get it together. you can't let anyone see you like this.
the remark startles a shaky laugh out of him, and temenos shakes his head, reaching a hand up to scrub over his face, just once. he's fine. he's just fine. his composure is settled back into place, and he reaches for something more familiar, a gentle chide, but it's lacking its usual verve. ] ...You have to control yourself and it to use it correctly. You've now both recited the scriptures and stolen my magic, so perhaps you really should be wearing this.
[ he taps two fingers lightly against his cassock, trying for normalcy and feeling just. insanely vulnerable at the moment, desperately trying to lace together the fact that he's fine, like building up a sandcastle in the face of a tidal wave. ]
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[ It feels kind of embarrassing; Axel has never thought too hard about his powers, perhaps in direct contrast with the other. At least, that is how it was with his new ones. As for how he feels about losing his old ones? Axel just believed it'll come back by the end of it all.
But he can tell something is off, even with the other gripping onto some sort of veneer of his former normalcy. ]
I've never been much of a holy man, or like the other Warriors of Light. The only reason I could recite that scripture was because you spoke it to me.
[ As much as Axel tries to find the words, he can't grasp them so easily, but he has seen people slip through his grasp before. From smaller signs, from things that weigh on their mind and he couldn't grasp. Axel can't necessarily stop it from happening again but he'll try. With his other hand, he lays it against the other's, where it might be still resting, against his chest. ]
...It might sound hollow now, you know? But, it'll come back to you. I've seen it happen time and time again; those losing that kind of light, but grasping it because it hasn't really left. It's just sleeping. And even if it is, I can't believe you've been anyone else but the person you've shown me to be.
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... but it's the very thing that temenos likes about axel, because it's the very same trait he liked about roi. about crick. firm, unshakable belief, faith the opposite of his own. it's that clearhearted desire that he admires, even if he chastises it, because it is the mark of someone incredibly good.
he's not expecting to be touched, really, in more than one way. it's no longer affection week, but the last week helped to break a seal, and even though having a conversation like this, one full of emotional sincerity, makes some part of him want to squirm free and run, he doesn't. but the phrase i can't believe you've been anyone else but the person you've shown to me just hits the nail on the head so soundly that it holds his feet rooted to the ground. temenos doesn't doubt himself. he knows who he is.
he takes another, slower breath, his usual quick, snarky response delayed by it, enough that axel can feel his chest rise and fall. up, and down. who are you, temenos? foundling of the church, hound of the pontiff, cleric of flamechurch, chosen of aelfric? he is still his mind, and his steadfast, stubborn nature, and his drive to understand.
when his eyes open again, he's looking at him, and the grab for cover is slightly less frantic, now, as he settles within his concept of self. ]
...How very optimistic. [ as if he doesn't really, really like that, about axel. as if that quality isn't inherently worth its weight in gold. there's no heat to it - it's almost rueful, soft. ] I suppose I should say thank you.
[ his hand curls, lightly, under where axel's is. ]
I'll teach you to utilize it well, but you must take care of it. What you hold is quite precious to me. [ ... ] I'll trust you to keep it safe.
[ and if that's not a big deal coming from temenos, nothing is. ]
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Maybe it is because of these facts that he finds himself going beyond that casual touch, and sure, he remembers thinking that it was entirely possible them getting so close at all was the result of an effect. But, Axel also knows full well that he can't really get himself to come to that conclusion even after it's passed.
Whatever the case, he can see what he's done has ... done something well. Even if he knows that such a struggle undeniable still persists, it's enlightening in a wonderful way; lips curling upwards in a smile of sorts right even at the comment on his optimism. ]
Heh, just trust me when I say I'm just glad to help. Me and my brand of optimism.
[ His words come forth gently, feeling the way the other's hand shifts slightly against his, and even if it is such a minute motion, treasuring even that all the same.
But the smile remains even as Axel nods his head with a look of determination. ]
Yeah, I'll listen to whatever you got to say. I'll keep it safe too. I'm pretty good at keeping lights safe, you know.
[ Including you in a heartbeat, is the thought that comes along, even if he knows not to say it. Temenos is still a capable man, after all. And he recognizes him saying this at all? Isn't such a simple matter. ]
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[ the way temenos says this is just slightly patronizing, it's not mean. it's teasing, very light and lofty, and slowly, the normalcy slides into place. it's more natural, now, more familiar, and temenos's eyes crinkle up at the corners with the warmth of his smile. ]
While I'm not the sort that needs protecting, [ and that is true. something about this conversation feels like deja vu, but it's just so natural. it's easy, to spend time with axel, over mysteries and fairy tale princess films, over solving murders and eating ice cream all the same, and slowly, now, he's starting to realize why.
he continues, though, tilting his head to look up at him; finally lifting his other hand to cover the one on his, with a soft palm, a gentle touch. ] The light of the Sacred Flame, and myself will both be in your hands.
[ he could almost read that heroism on axel's face, whether he said it out loud or not.
(and secretly? despite the way he says it, toeing the line between teasing and just hinting at sincere, he likes that, too.) ]
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Everything they've done hasn't been insubstantial. From the simplest of things, to the most novel, or complex, Axel looks back on them with more than a passing fondness. Treasures those moments because it's with Temenos he's spent them with.
That precious smile that follows only enhances the feeling. Teasing is just a natural part of Temenos, but his words spoken are genuine nonetheless. He's brought back down to earth with the soft touch of the over placed over his; when he laughs a little, it's light. ]
...I guess what I wanted to say was easy to read on my face, wasn't it?
[ But, he doesn't mind. Being an open book sometimes makes things just a little bit easier, doesn't it? ]
But, you better believe that I'm the last kind of person to be deterred from doing double-duty. You've picked just the right guy to put your faith in.
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...but, it's the easy confidence of a statement like you've picked just the right guy to put your faith in that is winning him over. it's the same way that roi faced the world, with endless confidence and a faithful heart. it's the way that crick did, swearing to protect temenos as his godsblade even as temenos needled at the fact that he was newly anointed. it's just so familiar, in ways that are both an immediate draw in personality, and... ways that are terrifying. ways in which loss is just a second away, constantly breathing down the back of his neck, reminding him of how hard it is to hold onto something you care about, no matter how hard you dig your claws in and beg it not to leave.
it's a little sobering. the realization simmers in the back of his mind, and for now, he can't pay attention to it, short of allowing his trust to fall very, very carefully, to be cradled in axel's hands. a warrior of light, and a cleric of light. what a combination. ]
I would certainly hope so.
[ something in him settles, there, like a wild, lost animal slowly melting back down to curl up to sleep.
he very lightly pats his hand. pat pat. ] As soon as your cool-down wears off, we will begin. I hope you're prepared for a rigorous set of lessons: double duty may be putting it lightly.
[ axel did not sign up for holy training camp but he's about to get it. ]
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Axel has never imagined that, when he first arrived, he would discover himself falling into getting any bit too close to anybody else here. Sure, he always imagined himself acting friendly, and doing whatever he can to earnestly be good to the people he's met in his own, wonderful flavor. But, the thing about it is...how could he have anticipated that he'd grow close enough to feel the urge to say or do things thoughtlessly with someone else. Holding someone close, cuddling up against another, holding someone's hand tight within his, and daring to profess or show in some way an ardent desire to protect.
And understand with each passing moments those little qualities (the teasing, the unflinching determination to seek answers, and the undeniable desire to do good) that seem ever the more pleasant whenever he witnesses them. Then, after the other pats his hand, and says those words... ]
You can bet that I am. I'll have you know that I'm also used to having to pick up new tricks sooner than later.
You won't be disappointed.
[ ...Axel, with his other hand (or rather his arm), then shifts so he can move to throw an arm around the other man's shoulders, unrepentant grin clear on his face. ]
You'll be impressed. Got it memorized?